#1 Feelings Of Distrust
So I had a feeling she was cheating… she set off a lot of red flags. Constantly laughing and smiling when texting, saying it was just her mother when I asked. She was “staying late at work” far too often, yet her co-workers already said she had left hours earlier
#2 The Last Straw
I knew something was definitely up was when she went out “to get milk” at 11:30 at night and didn’t come back until 2 in the morning. Now if there are any words of wisdom I can pass on to others in all my years of experience, it’s if you think your significant other is cheating, hire a private investigator.
#3 Gathering Evidence
Fast-track to her birthday, several months down the road. You’re probably wondering why the hell I waited months before I confronted her and did it really need to be on her birthday?First of all, I wanted as much evidence as possible to hand off to my lawyer, as well as time to make arrangements to find a new place to live, etc. Secondly… of course it had to be on her birthday. You see, after asking her what she wanted to do on her birthday this year she was rather insistent on me going out of town with my friends as she just had to work anyways and didn’t want to be reminded she was aging
#4 Super Secret Surprise Party
I knew something was up and after finding a bottle of champagne and two glasses hidden in my closet. So I do what any sensible man would have done; I leave and go to my friend’s house pretending like I am going out of town. While there I call up her mother, father, sister and several of her friends. I tell them how I want to give her a big surprise by sneaking into our room with party streamers, kazoos and a big cake with candles. Sounds fun, right?!
#5 The Big Day
I had everyone meet me outside our apartment at 8:30 in the morning. We all pile in the elevator (about 8 of us in total); her mother is holding the cake and I’m reminding everyone to be as quiet as they can be. I put my key in and unlock the door; we all sneak in and make our way down the hall towards the bedroom. Each holding a kazoo and her mom holding the cake grinning from ear to ear.
Well as I throw open the door, we all yell surprise!
But the surprise was on us and there…
#6 Best Present Ever!
The surprise was actually on us and there was my wife, butt naked with her lover staring at us wide eyed. Mom drops the cake, sister screams, father begins to shout. I pretend like I’m horrified to which her friends try to push everyone out while yelling at her. My wife, excuse me, ex-wife is sobbing and screaming how could I while the lover is desperately trying to put his pants on while running out of the place. Needless to say, it was one of the best birthday presents I have ever given